The month of July was named by Emperor Augustus, the founder of the Roman Empire, after his great-uncle, Julius Caesar (the Roman emperor, not Little Caesar the pizza guy.)
Anyway, not to be left out, Augustus named the subsequent month after himself. One of the perks of being an emperor is that you can name things whatever you’d like and no one can say a darn thing about it. And if someone does complain, you can send them on an unpaid vacation up the Nile River.
Anyway, there are several reasons for my dislike of the month of July. First of all, I hate the heat. When the temperatures reach and exceed 100 degrees, I want to stick a swamp cooler down my pants. If that wouldn’t be exceedingly uncomfortable, I would probably give it a try.
Unless you are partial to films with aliens attacking from space, superheroes saving Manhattan, or short men doing death-defying stunts, July isn’t the month to go to the movies, either. From the box-office profit numbers I’ve seen over the years, if July didn’t exist, I daresay that Will Smith and Tom Cruise would probably be broke. Sure, Smith has his television and music career to fall back on, but all Cruise seems to possess is just a whole lot of crazy. Just ask Katie Holmes.
When I was young, July was also the month when summer vacation started to lose its luster. I could only read so many Nancy Drew, Sweet Valley High and Babysitters’ Club books before I got bored. While it may have seemed sacrilege to some of my contemporaries, in July, halfway through summer vacation, I’d be ready for school to begin again.
This sentiment is definitely echoed by more parents than children, that’s for certain. There are few things more annoying to a parent than a bored child, or so my mother used to tell me. On second thought, perhaps I was just annoying her. That very well could be — especially as I became downright whiny when I had exhausted my reading supply. But I digress.
All of that said, however, this summer, July has redeemed itself. On the 27th of this month, the Olympic Games begin in London, England. I am quite excited about this. I have already begun my official countdown by practicing my fake British accent when no one is around to hear me. The accent definitely needs a lot of work, but I bet it is better than Julius Caesar’s.
Or Tom Cruise’s.