Humor turns up in the most unexpected places
by Ron Swift | Patterson Irrigator
Oct 24, 2013 | 896 views | 0 0 comments | 189 189 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Patti Dunn, whose longevity as a waitress at Mil’s is highly admired, recently took a phone call that made her day.

On the other end of the line was a woman “up in years.” She was complaining to Patti that her lunch had not been delivered, and she was wondering why.

When Patti asked her who she was calling, the answer was unexpected – “Isn’t this Mil’s on Wheels?”

Ya never know.


H.O.S.T. last weekend held an open house for its new facility for the homeless and was met with some “oohs and ahhs.” Not fancy but spacious, well-lit and clean, a facility of which our community can be justly proud. And this is just the first phase of the H.O.S.T. project. There’s more to come.

And there’s a guy who sleeps on a park bench just a few feet away from the memorial stone in our downtown Veterans’ Memorial Park. His safety is well guarded. The names of over 40 local veterans appear on the stone’s plaque.

A Patterson teenager who uses an expensive backpack device to hydrate his transplanted kidney inadvertently left his backpack recently in a neighborhood park when playing with other youngsters. When he returned to get it, the $2,500 device wasn’t there. Being worthless to anyone else, assistance is urged in getting it returned.

And PHS senior Seth Fairchild, who has been battling cancer, apparently is not fully out of the woods medically. Also, his family is only about half-way toward its goal of paying medical costs, and has asked for help. Check out the details by Googling Seth Fairchild.

Don’t you dare miss the community yard sale this Saturday at the Hammon Senior Center. I’m told a few antiques will be offered.

I feel sorry for our newer residents on the city’s west side. They obviously are out of reach of the chimes many of us enjoy every noon and again at 5 p.m. coming from Our Saviour’s Lutheran Church. Always a picker-upper, so thanks, Lutherans.


One week, uno, and when those seven days are up, no excuses will be accepted.

I’m referring to Patterson’s 2014 community calendar, a project of the Boy Scouts. The drop-dead date, around my house referred to as the DDD, is next Thursday, Nov. 1. That’s the final date for Patterson clubs, lodges, schools, churches, and celebrations to turn in their dates for next year’s calendar.

Most already have the paperwork that needs to be returned, but several others haven’t returned phone messages. Maybe they don’t realize that the listings are free. As in FREE.

The calendar will be printed in November and offered for sale by the Scouts in December at a price of $7. (Offer to buy two and talk your way into a bargain.) It will list special events, fundraisers, celebration dates and just about anything that will be happening in our community this coming year. That is, if the info is returned by Nov. 1.

By the way, phone messages for the FDES, Girl Scouts, YLI, and both the Patterson and Vernalis 4-H clubs have not been returned. Just call me; I’m in the book.


We’ve been celebrating at our house. You may remember that I have long had four favorite baseball teams – the Giants and A’s because of our being in the backyard of the Bay Area, and the Cardinals and Red Sox, for whom I have been following for decades. So it was happy time Saturday evening when Boston bounced Detroit to join St. Louis in the World Series. I couldn’t have been more elated.

The Tigers played well but had three strikes against them – guys whose first names are Jhonny, Torii and Jonny. What kind of spelling is that!

By the way, what happens to the Red Sox when the wind is ferocious and they are working hard on that bubblegum? Do they have a barber in the dugout who removes the gum from those now-famous beards?

Another great weekend for Northern California football. The Patterson High teams left no doubt they are for real, posting solid wins at Los Banos as each advanced to 7-0. Then there was MJC chalking up 76 points on a previously unbeaten Sequoia team, and Stanford knocking off No. 9 UCLA. We also rejoiced when the 49ers won on Sunday and the Raiders didn’t lose (they were idle). That leaves Cal. Just where should we leave Cal?

For you fans of Quincy, congratulations on your team’s convincing 80-26 victory over Kentucky Wesleyan. I’m in a funk because Iowa State, my alma mater, lost a squeaker to Baylor, 70-7.


More woes in the job market. Here’s the latest from our readers:

“I became a professional fisherman but found I couldn’t live on my net income.”

“I got a job with a pool maintenance company but found the work too draining.”

“I thought about becoming a dentist but figured it might be too boring.”

I see the need, good readers, for one of you to open an employment agency.

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