If it weren't for the ‘reminder feature’ on my iPhone, I frankly wouldn't get anything done. I have been attempting to write a new column for weeks, but each time I get ready to do so, something pops up to distract me.
I first started to write this column at Christmas, but then I contracted the sore throat/cold thingy that seems to be going around Patterson this season.
So I went to the doctor. After pointing his tiny flashlight down my throat, my doctor said, "You haven't written for the Irrigator in a while. You need to write more often."
I thought, "He's right, I need to do that!"
I put an alarm on my phone to remind me to write a column once I was feeling better.
As my sore throat developed into a lingering cough that lasted a couple weeks, I found I didn't have anything to write about other than my cold. And I was fairly certain no one wanted to read about that. Plus, there is only so much a person can write about NyQuil and phlegm.
So, I rescheduled the alarm on my phone to remind me in February to write a new column. I thought that by the time February arrived, I would definitely have something to write about.
As if a gift from the cosmos, the Olympics arrived the first week in February. It was a perfect topic! I started compiling jokes in my head... I could compare Vladimir Putin's face to an Easter Island statue... I could liken the yellow color of the drinking water in Sochi to that of an Olympic gold medal. The possibilities were endless!
But I encountered a problem. I quickly became too busy watching the Olympics to actually have time to write about the Olympics. I even once spent 3 hours watching curling because that's how long it takes to understand what curling is.
The Olympics were just too, too distracting. How can a girl write when she can watch muscular Dutchmen in orange leotards win metals in speed skating? So, I delayed the reminder on my iPhone once again.
I have no more excuses now, though. The Olympics are over. And I'm not phlegmatic. Now, I must write—the vibrating alarm on my iPhone insists upon it.
Too bad I have nothing to say.
Elizabette Guecamburu, volunteer columnist for the Irrigator, is a writer and a native Patterson resident. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.